Relationship Counseling: Why We Do the Things We Do

Michael Mongno Ph.D, Manhattan Relationship Therapy.

People hurt people. It happens all the time. Married couples. Partners. Even those dating. And we’re left puzzled, wondering how somebody could do such a thing.  With incredulity we ask our friends, complain to our coworkers, rant on social media and even write righteous blogs.  How can people do such things?!  Although there are many reasons for the variety of expression of human behavior, one thing is apparent—there is always a strong, driving emotional component to what we do.  The two most primary states out of which people act are the states of fear and its opposite—the state of love.  This duality and the seemingly complex derivations thereof is what this series will focus on, along with a way to find and foster more understanding and compassion for the suffering we all experience at the hands of others.

Emotions drive our behaviors, whether we’re conscious of them or not.  They are much stronger than our cognitive operating systems and provide the energy from which we act.  Although there is a wide range of human feelings, most are derived from five primary emotions:  sad, mad, glad, afraid, and disgust.  In attempting to feel empathy for someone we can tap into these basic emotions.  It is also helpful for when we are trying to tune into ourselves to help ground us.

Emotions play two primary purposes.  First, they are the gateway to our needs, by which their expression is a way to get our needs met.  We can’t actually know what we need without having some sense as to what we’re feeling.  The second purpose is to connect us to others, especially our significant others.  It is our emotions that provide the avenue for resonance, empathy/sympathy, excitement and intimacy.

Visit here for the best, affordable relationship therapy counseling in Manhattan, NYC. I have over 22 years experience helping couples.