By Michael Mongno Ph.D, Manhattan Relationship Therapy
Practice.
As human beings, our behaviors and actions emanate from these
primary emotional states. Emotions are always fluid, they come and go and can
take many forms, slow or flurried, intense or gentle, dramatic or even. Watch a
child, even for mere minutes, and you’ll see a continuum of different emotions
being expressed. It’s often hard for children to manage their emotions so we
teach them impulse control. They are taught how to let go and come back to the
present moment, sometimes even by distracting themselves from uncomfortable
feelings or circumstances that are out of their control.
In the relationship counseling and therapy (in Manhattan,
NYC) I practice, I often tell people that part of maturing into adulthood is learning
how to manage our emotions through healthy self-differentiation, which is a
balance between our cognitive thought processes and the powerful energy of our
emotions. When we’re not in balance we find that our behaviors are not
productive and can be hurtful and destructive, both to ourselves as well as to
others. When that happens we are not expressing our real or authentic selves,
but a conflicted part of ourselves that is usually suffering in some way. And
when we’re in pain there is almost always some kind of fear associated, be it
nervousness, anxiety, agitation, irritation, frustration, annoyance or
edginess.
Most fear has to do with not having our basic needs met and
little hope or trust that they’ll be met, which then propels our actions.
Maslow describes a hierarchy of human needs, from the most basic of
physiological survival and safety, and then on to love and belonging, followed
by self-esteem and self actualization. There is also the potential for living
the added value of a meaningful vocation, causing all of one’s endeavors to be
socially significant and impactful, leading to transcendence. The more basic
the need however, the more primal the emotion; i.e. we’ll do almost anything to
survive; it’s in our very physical constitution. When our needs are continually
thwarted we feel discomfort or hurt and then become resentful,
passive-aggressive, or angry and act out in an effort to change the status quo.
The longer our important needs are not met the more intense our acting out
becomes, which can escalate to the point of violence. If one is approaching
this breaking point, it’s critical to seek some kind of help so as to interrupt
and stop what can become a very destructive cycle.
Visit here for the best, affordable relationship therapycounseling in Manhattan, NYC. I have over 22 years experience helping unmarried
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